


Of Dogs and Children; or, How Christopher Chant Became a Father

by yuletide_archivist



Category: The Chronicles of Chrestomanci - Diana Wynne Jones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-19
Updated: 2007-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 09:09:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1643228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Millie wants a baby; Christopher wants a puppy. The Chant family is a bit out of sorts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Dogs and Children; or, How Christopher Chant Became a Father

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Kest

 

 

Christopher Chant didn't want to have children. He wanted to get a puppy.

"That's ridiculous," Millie said. "Why don't you just get a puppy and then we can have children, too?"

"I wouldn't know what to do with children," said Christopher, looking decidedly uncomfortable. "I mean, I like them and all, but I'm not sure I had the most normal childhood ... besides, I really like puppies, and I never got to have one. My mama wouldn't let me."

"Puppies make messes, you know," Millie said sagely.

She thought this a very clever attack, until Christopher shuddered, made a face, and said, "Well, at least they're not as messy as _children_ ," and swept out. Millie stared after his back, annoyed. _It's not like I had the most normal childhood, either_ , she thought, as she started on her correspondence for the day. _And you don't see me complaining._

Perhaps the truly annoying part about Christopher's lack of enthusiasm was that Millie had just struggled with the same reluctance herself. After all, what did the Living Asheth know about raising children? As well as Mother Proudfoot had treated her, she didn't think the same sort of upbringing was necessarily warranted (she didn't want her children to think that she was eventually going to kill them, after all). She and Christopher were also still living in the guest rooms in the castle. Of course, the rooms were _theirs_ now, but it was tacitly assumed that they'd be moving into Gabriel's quarters once Christopher became the full-fledged Chrestomanci--so they weren't even really moved in for good. And did Chrestomancis have children? Or did they just have protégés? Millie wasn't completely sure.

Christopher could have said any of these things, but naturally (and irritatingly) he didn't. Whenever Millie tried to broach the subject, he would go very vague and sidle out of the conversation somehow. It was impossible to pin him down to anything. Occasionally Millie would catch him with his guard down--these techniques were a bit below the belt--which was how she had learned about his apparent desire for a puppy. Christopher didn't like it when she succeeded; he would be moody for days, sweeping about blankly. Millie ignored him.

Currently, Millie ran most of the day-to-day functions of Chrestomanci Castle. Her education at the Swiss finishing school was invaluable: often only she and Gabriel knew how to deal with various important personages from the multiple series of worlds. It stretched her tact to the breaking point. Millie did not enjoy having that tact further stretched in her daily conversations with her husband. She frowned at a letter from some nobleman from Series 2, reached for a pen, and promptly spilled the ink bottle all over the paper.

"Drat!" Millie said, truly annoyed now, hurriedly pushing other papers away from the rapidly spreading blotch. "Erm ..." She willed the ink, very hard, to coalesce. It oozed back toward the bottle, leaving the offending letter a bit blurry.

Millie stared at the ink blot in disgust, decided that her ineffective use of magic meant she was done for the moment, and stood up to stretch. She should really take some of the letters from yesterday along to Gabriel, as well. Their authors would be coming to his attention soon anyway, and it would probably behoove him to be forewarned.

Gabriel was sitting at his desk, looking forbidding. Millie had learned to ignore this; usually, his most severe look just meant he was concentrating very hard. "Hallo, Gabriel," she said cheerfully, inviting herself in and sitting in the chair in front of his desk. "I've got some letters I think you should look over."

"Here," Gabriel said curtly, and extended a hand to Millie, who promptly handed off the bundle she'd collected. "Good Lord! Can you really not handle all of these by yourself?"

"I already handled them," Millie said blithely. "I just think you ought to be forewarned about some of these people, especially a specific nobleman from Series 2--but I didn't bring that letter along. I'm still working on some kind of reasonable reply. It's hard when there are only unreasonable things to reply to."

"These do look rather unreasonable," Gabriel agreed, skimming the first page of writing quickly. "Have you seen Christopher this morning? He missed a visitor."

"I haven't."

Gabriel looked at Millie severely. "You're still being difficult?"

"I would hardly say that _I_ am the difficult one," said Millie, with as much dignity as she could muster.

Gabriel's mouth twitched. There was silence as he flipped through the letters.

"Did you ever think about having children?" The expression on Gabriel's face made Millie start talking very rapidly. "I mean, I know you didn't really like Christopher at first and I thought that meant that you were just getting used to having children around and I know I was kind of an unwelcome surprise probably because the Arm of Asheth was after me and I wasn't very normal but neither was Christopher now was he so maybe some normal children are all that this castle needs--"

"Millie," said Gabriel patiently, cutting her off with one raised hand, "I'm just not very _good_ with children. The woman I wanted to marry was with someone else, and I've been alone for a long time. You're both fine people. I didn't really mind having you here."

Millie interpreted this as an inadvertent expression of love from Gabriel, which it probably was, and beamed.

"And there isn't anything that says that a Chrestomanci can't have children," Gabriel continued. "I just happen to not have children, and Christopher probably thinks that he won't ever have any because it would annoy me. I'd like to think that he simply wants to follow in my illustrious footsteps, but I think he might just be frightened. Of fatherhood, that is."

"Oh," said Millie, deflated. "So you didn't tell him that it was a bad idea?"

Gabriel seemed to have a tic in the side of his jaw now. "No," he said. "Christopher and I don't usually sit around having heart-to-hearts."

"That's a shame," Millie said, gathering her skirts and standing up. "It would probably make him a bit more tractable. If I see him, I'll let him know he's in trouble."

***

"I got you a puppy," Millie announced after dinner.

Christopher, who was smoothing down his hair in the mirror, whirled around in shock. "What? You did not!"

Millie noted, with an unhealthy amount of glee, that a hair was sticking out from the side of Christopher's head. "It's a very large one," she said. "I thought you would like something big. I've already named it, too."

"What's the thing's name?" Christopher asked cautiously.

"Erm ... Cornelius," Millie said.

"That's it," said Christopher, turning back to the mirror. "You're never naming any child of mine. The poor thing wouldn't ever have friends."

"Does this mean you would want to have a child ... to name?" Millie asked. "Just to make sure I didn't choose anything horrible?"

"No. Where's the dog?"

"I didn't get a dog," Millie confessed. "I just wanted to see what would happen if I told you that I did."

"Very clever," Christopher said dryly. "Did you get that idea from a book?"

"I think of lots of things on my own," Millie said. "And I'm past the stage where I think everything in books is real. I did go to school on my own, you know. And I got married to a huge prat. No book can adequately describe _that_ sort of feeling."

"I'm not trying to be a prat," Christopher said.

"You don't have to try," Millie said. "You simply are one."

Christopher gave Millie his vaguest look and swept out the door. Millie settled down with a baby name book. This was a recent strategy: she had bought parenting books and strewn them about the room artistically, hoping the hint would eventually be strong enough. When Christopher swept back in a few minutes later, Millie simply put the baby name book in front of her face.

"Glad to see you're reading up," Christopher said as he sailed by. "We wouldn't want two kids with names like Cornelius."

Millie sniffed.

***

Millie's next strategy involved Mordecai Roberts, who was currently living with his wife Rosalie. They had twins, two boys, who were nearly three by now. Mordecai and Rosalie had set up a business a few towns over, occasionally taking jobs from Gabriel. "I did like the castle," Rosalie had explained to Millie, "but with all that happened, we thought it was better to be out of it, at least for a while. And we like the extra space."

"We're going to see Mordecai and Rosalie for tea," Millie informed Christopher, who went very vague at this pronouncement. He still rather idolized Mordecai. He had, however, forgotten about the twin boys, and threw Millie a nasty look as they entered the house and heard the screaming.

"It's so good to see you!" Rosalie had one toddler by the arm and was attempting to catch the other. That one rose two feet in the air--apparently of his own volition--dodged her reach, and crashed into the wall. "Things have been a bit ... hectic."

"Tacroy!" Christopher and Mordecai pretended to only have lukewarm feelings about seeing each other. "How's the house?"

"How's the castle?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes at Millie. "Come into the kitchen, I'll get you something."

Rosalie was still very pretty, and the kids were cute. Millie watched apprehensively as one of them tried to open the pantry. "Does the magic come out very strong at this age?"

"They're still growing into it," Rosalie said, "and there's something weird about my connection to them--I can't use my magic on them. It must be a mother thing. It makes things a little bit difficult, but luckily only Jake has learned to levitate. That's how I tell them apart, most of the time."

Mordecai and Christopher entered the kitchen, still talking blandly. The subject had turned to cricket, which Millie did not approve of. This was a visit about _love_. "Christopher!" she said, loudly, but failed to get his attention. One of the twins had climbed onto the table and was attempting to swing from the lamp above it. Mordecai plucked him off without even ceasing his conversation.

"Let them finish," Rosalie said, setting some of the tea things on the table and pulling the other twin off of the stove, "and then we'll talk. You have to let them get it out of their systems first."

All in all, Millie did not succeed in turning the conversation to her own benefit. She did, however, reinstate her own doubts. Rosalie managed the twins expertly, but she still couldn't imagine having a magic-spewing baby running around Chrestomanci Castle--let alone two magic-spewing babies. Perhaps the visit had been good for her. It had at least brought her to her senses. The child of the Living Asheth and the Chrestomanci would surely be a force to be reckoned with, and she didn't know if she really wanted to raise that child.

She and Christopher left after an hour or so, citing work at the castle. At least Christopher was happier. His face showed absolutely no emotion at all, which Millie knew was a good thing.

"Nice visit?" she asked, as they walked up the steps.

"Very," Christopher said. "Mordecai was telling me about the bowler they've got over in their town--"

"I heard," Millie said hastily. "Multiple times. The boys were cute, weren't they? It was a bit scary, the levitating one."

"It was a bit much," Christopher agreed.

"You were right about the children," Millie said, defeated. "It would be a terrible idea. I can still get you a dog. You can even name it if you want to. Cornelius is a bit of a mouthful. And Gabriel said you'd be rather busy for awhile anyway, so it's all for the best."

"You talked to Gabriel?" Christopher asked. The idea seemed to frighten him. He went very vague.

"Not really," Millie invented. "He said something about, you know, oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway."

Christopher gave her a look as they entered the castle, but dropped the subject.

***

"Millie?"

Millie jumped. It was the middle of the afternoon, and she was back to correspondence. Christopher was leaning on the door frame, immaculate in a dove-gray suit. Millie allowed herself a small smile; she really did have a handsome husband, however maddening and impossible he was. "Yes?"

Christopher entered and sat down. Millie couldn't even describe his facial expression; the sleepiness was astounding. "I've been thinking," he began.

"I have to get back to my work soon," Millie warned.

"Yes, well, you know." Christopher sat up a bit straighter. "I've been thinking, and if you want to have kids, I guess that would be all right. One," he clarified, as Millie's face lit up a little. "None of the twin nonsense."

"Well," Millie said, "I don't really know how many children I could handle at once, especially after seeing Mordecai's. We really don't have to do this. I'm perfectly fine as it is."

"Don't be ridiculous," Christopher said. "Besides, our children would probably be more powerful than those twins anyway, and you're more capable than Rosalie. I believe in you."

Millie sat for a moment, stunned. "You just want to have children to one-up Mordecai!"

Christopher shifted, looking uncomfortable. "Not really."

"Yes you do!" Millie crowed. "You just want to _train_ the kids so that you have better children than he does!" She got up and capered around a bit. "That was easy! I should have known friendly competition was the way to go!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Christopher said, but his mouth was twitching in a distinctly de Witt fashion. "And I want to name them."

"You don't get to negotiate," Millie said smugly. "You just want to be Mordecai but better. I can do that for you."

"Not really," said Christopher, getting up and coming over to her. "I already beat Mordecai anyway. My wife is twice as beautiful and twice as intelligent and twice as powerful. So there is really no competition." He kissed a stunned Millie on the forehead, looking so vague that Millie couldn't focus on his face, and sailed out.

***

When Julia was born, Millie wanted to name her after Gabriel, who looked flattered and puzzled at the same time. "You always give good advice," Millie explained.

"I'm not naming my daughter Gabriel," said Christopher, who was bent over the bassinet.

Millie rolled her eyes at Gabriel, who mouthed back, "Afraid of fatherhood?"

Millie laughed. She enjoyed this Gabriel. She enjoyed the atmosphere in the castle--everyone was busy, happy, making things for the baby, converting rooms into nurseries, making magical toys and wards to keep the baby in, things like that. It was a happy sort of place now. "Maybe her middle name?" Millie suggested.

"I want to name her Julia," said Christopher, without surfacing from the bassinet. "You can do whatever else you want."

"Julia Gabrielle it is," said Millie. Christopher came over and looked at her reverentially.

"This was a very good idea," he said. "She is going to be amazing. She is already amazing. You are amazing. Everything is amazing."

Once everyone else had left, Millie took advantage of this amazing mood of Christopher's. With the way he carried on about Julia, he couldn't really mean that he only wanted one, could he? He'd probably be moody about not being consulted later, but Millie really did know what was best for Christopher. And in nine months, he would probably think that the next one was just as amazing. No, Millie didn't feel badly at all.

Maybe she'd even get him a puppy, just to compensate.

 


End file.
